Sally Freud, A Producer Writer and Sportsfan from Melbourne, Australia
What was the situation in which this photo was taken?
I was preparing for a memorial service. (Cheery) As I laid out my beloved, departed’s favourite outfit of mine, I suddenly remembered he adored me tanned. It was Melbtarctica winter at 1am with an 8am departure to Geelong. I smothered myself in layers of fake tan and stood naked in the bathroom waiting for it to soak in. I started to crave a cigarette. I don’t smoke inside. I smoke outside on the balcony in a canyon of hi rise. I could not do that naked. ‘NO.’ So I chucked on an apron. I don’t cook, I just love aprons. As I left the bathroom I glimpsed a reflection of myself and thought of my dear departed just laughing at the ludicrousness of it all. I Selfied for ‘him’, saying to myself, ‘Honestly…’
Yeah…well. I ended up performing CPR on an old Joe at the memorial service. People thought I was heckling a person delivering a eulogy. ‘Dial triple zero.’ Get me an ambulance.’ ‘I need a pillow.’ FFS. My tan was outstanding though. The Old Joe reopened his dead eyes and gasped as he looked at me leaning over him, his shirt ripped open. Best guest ever…
Could you tell us something about what you do?
I basically talk to idiots all day about the stupid things they have done or they confess to me the stupid things that they have done and I proceed to put out fires. I’m like world’s worst girlfriend. I spend a lot of time with aforementioned idiots until we find a solution. And then I leave them and move on to the next one in line. The former idiot will sometimes ask why they haven’t seen me for a while. And I’ll simply say, ‘Because you’re doing a GOOD job.’ Pat them on the shoulder as I strut away.
How did you first become interested in production and writing?
I worked in television as a segment producer. Produced everything from lifestyle programs, hard news, interviewed a gazillion people who I knew nothing about nor their field of expertise, crawled along the floor of beer soaked pubs, yelling at my camera guy to get a better close up of the sports models’ racks. Written books about AFL, music and young readers fiction. Solid experience in managing idiocy.
What do you enjoy most about what you do?
I have an extremely high level of adrenaline in my blood. I love it when it all goes to shit and people start to run around all panicked. During these times at work or in my personal life, I feel like I’m listening to the first few bars of The Dissociatives track, Lifting the Veil from the Braille. (I love a song that has whistling in it) My passion is managing maelstroms, any form of disaster. It’s in my blood.
What are you working on at the moment?
I’m currently working on a magnificent piece of literature entitled, ‘You Don’t Mind If I Look at Other Women Do Ya?’ It’s a treasure trove of some of the greatest dates I have ever been on after being married for a really long time. The title is a quote from one of those beguiling beaus, as I was pulling out my own chair and sitting down at dinner on our first date. ‘Yeah,’ he said smugly through his mouth full of false looking teeth (as in dentures-no crowns on this Prince) ‘I used to date Miss Victoria.’ ‘Oh how wonderful,’ I responded, as I placed the napkin in my lap. ‘The patron of The Spastic Society. Gaze away…’ It’s going well.
What are the challenges in what you do, and how do you overcome them?
Not looking out the window in the morning because I can do that in the afternoon. I don’t look.
Could you describe your personal style?
Mattel.
What is your present state of mind?
Bilateral. I’m watching the cricket and filling out this questionnaire.
What music are you listening to at the moment?
Una Paloma Blanca- Nana Mouskouri. Hot.
Which artists or designers inspire you?
Ken Done, Dr Scholl.
What is the purpose of art, in your view?
To despise Paul Simon.
How do you spend your free time?
Swearing, practicing whistling louder with my fingers in my mouth and not looking at old people in the street because they will fall over.
